Mark Twain famously declared: “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obligated to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.” This quote appears in Twain’s 1897 travel book entitled: “Following the Equator.” Its meaning is described as: Real life is often more bizarre than fiction because stories must remain plausible to be believable, while reality has no such constraints. The World of BBQ is comprised of compelling and fascinating “TRUTHS.” Hopefully, each of the following engrossing BBQ Tales absorbs your interest. Fingers crossed, you enjoy reading about these gripping, ridiculous, and alluring True BBQ Tales…Real life can be more surprising, strange, amazing and difficult to believe than any made-up story… Welcome to the BBQ Zone!
Urban Camouflage BBQ!
In 2008, over the 4th of July weekend, an Appleton, Wisconsin a couple telephoned police in the middle of the night to report…a man hiding in their basement, covered head-to-toe in BBQ sauce! The homeowners were awakened when they heard someone whistling. The husband grabbed his shotgun and headed toward the sound of whistling, coming from their basement. In the basement, the husband found the “sauced-up” intruder. The husband held the intruder at gunpoint until the police arrived. The homeowner and his wife reported that the BBQ sodden intruder said that he was wearing BBQ sauce as “Urban Camouflage.” The intruder, a 35-year-old man, also told the police that he had covered himself in BBQ sauce because he wanted to “hide from the government.” The intruder was arrested on a burglary charge. The tale was touted as “The World’s Most Delicious Camouflage!” www.brewerfanatic.com
www.farnham.blogspot.com reports, “Aaron Maurice, 35, was arrested in Appleton, Wisconsin, after police found him in the basement of a home he was attempting to rob. They found Aaron completely covered in BBQ sauce, from head-to-toe. It all started before 4 in the morning, when the couple who lived in the house heard whistling coming from the basement. The male resident grabbed his shotgun and headed to the basement. He found the lights turned on, so he turned them off. That’s when BBQ Lover Aaron asked the homeowner what he was doing… Aaron told police that he broke into the basement of the home because he was ‘on the run from the government,’ and Aaron said that the BBQ sauce served as an ‘Urban Disguise.’”
The Brisket Bandit
“The Brisket Bandit,” also known as “The BBQ Bandit,” is an unidentified man who made headlines in late May of 2024 after he broke into a backyard in Eau Claire, Wisconsin (Wisconsin, again!) and stole a 12-pund brisket that was slow-cooking overnight! The bizarre late-night crime made national news and went viral due to the suspect’s specific antics:
–The Heist: Caught on home security cameras, the man walked into the victim’s backyard around 3:20 AM while the family slept.
–The Act: The burglar opened the smoker, pulled a fork out of his pocket, and checked the meat, licked his fingers, and placed the brisket into a pan that he brought along to the heist!
–The Exit: The Brisket Bandit made a clean getaway with 12 pounds of meat and he even politely closed and latched the backyard gate on his way out!
The Eau Claire Police Department released the homeowner’s security footage on their Facebook page asking the public for help identifying The Brisket Bandit. Because the suspect has never been publicly named or apprehended, the true identity of The Brisket Bandit remains a mystery!
www.mix108.com reported, “A Wisconsin family was left surprised after a hungry meat thief broke into their backyard to steal a hunk of BBQ! The meat thief victims had 12 pounds of brisket on their backyard smoker, leaving it to slow-cook overnight. Smoking brisket can be a pretty big time commitment, so smoking it overnight is quite a common practice. The smell of the smoking meat must have attracted the thief, who decided to take advantage of the family being fast asleep. He opted to strike under the veil of darkness, but the family’s security camera got some pretty clear footage of The Backyard Brisket Bandit. The family shared the video with the Eau Claire Police Department who, in turn, shared the video to their Facebook page to try to find the culprit. The video shows a man cracking open the smoker while holding a pan to put the meat in. The prepared thief then grabs a fork out of his pocket to help get the meat out of the smoker. He even licks his fingers a couple of times during the course of getting the meat into his pan before he walks away from the scene. The police department asks if anyone knows the identity of The Brisket Bandit to contact the Eau Claire Police Department’s non-emergency phone line…The Brisket Bandit made a clean getaway with 12-pounds of smoked deliciousness!”
*If you watch the home security footage, you can literally hear the brisket sizzling as it is being stolen!
Suspect On Ice After 911 Rescue From BBQ Freezer
www.wspynews.com reports on July 16th, 2023, an “18-year-old man found himself behind bars on Saturday evening after he became trapped in a freezer during an attempted burglary at a local BBQ stand, according to the Waterman Police Department,” located in Fox Valley/Waterman, Illinois. “Authorities said that they responded to a call at approximately 6:41 PM on July 15th (2023) at a BBQ stand located at the intersection of U.S. Highway 30 and IL Route 23. The call was from a man who was stuck inside a walk-in freezer at the BBQ stand. Upon arrival, police discovered 18-year-old Gabriel J. Morales locked inside the freezer. An initial investigation revealed that Morales had tried to pick the lock on one of the stand’s doors, but after failing to do so, he gained entry through a broken window, which he unlocked. Finding himself unable to exit the freezer, he resorted to calling 911 for rescue. Following the incident, the Waterman Police Department arrested and charged Morales with one count each of burglary and possession of burglary tools. He is (was) being held at DeKalb County Jail, awaiting a bond hearing.”
BarBe Q= The Infamous Mannequin
Kenny Tessel was the owner and chef of the now-closed “KT’s Barbecue,” in Reading, (Cincinnati) Ohio. In 2009, Kenny made national headlines for using a controversial, scantily clad mannequin, named “BarBe Q” outside his restaurant to boost business.
–The Gimmick: Tessel placed a 5-foot-10-inch mannequin out front wearing nothing but a halter top and tight shorts to attract customers.
–The Controversy: The tactic worked, nearly tripling his business and helping him pay off a portion of restaurant debt. However, it sparked a major zoning dispute with the city of Reading.
–The Resolution: After several hearings, Reading’s Board of Zoning Appeals ultimately ruled that the mannequin could stay.
–Menu: Before shuttered, the menu at KT’s Barbecue specialized in smoked pork and traditional BBQ.
www.cincinnatibites.com wrote that in 2009, Kenny Tessel had been enjoying some notoriety, when resident complaints forced him to multiple zoning board hearings to defend the use of “the scantily-clad mannequin that he had placed outside of his restaurant to attract customers. Apparently, the marketing gimmick worked: Tessel estimated that his sales had risen 40 percent thanks to the mannequin he named ‘BarBe Q.’ Zone officials called the mannequin an eyesore and had tried to force Tessel to dress the mannequin in more modest attire.”
www.fox19.com reported that in 2010, KT’s Barbecue had celebrated the 1-year anniversary of the court battle that Kenny had won to keep his “buxom mannequin mascot out front of his restaurant. When the economy went bust, Kenny had to ‘think outside the box,’ … and his sales got a big boost from a busty roadside mannequin. Tessel said that he needed an eye-catching mascot…Tessel found his mannequin in a catalog where he got his restaurant equipment. Tessel decided that: ‘I’m gonna get her, and I’m gonna stick her outside with a sign on and I’m just gonna see what happens; I know I’m gonna piss off some people.’ And…Oh, he did, (INDEED!) with provocative outfits for BarBe Q for nearly every season. ‘What they found offensive was her boobs. Let’s just be honest, her boobs are big. They said you see too much side boob, too much under-boob, too much top of boob, they were boob happy ya’ know. It was unbelievable,’ said Tessel. Kenny’s mannequin, BarBe Q, had become somewhat of a media darling and like many celebrities, she had her share of death threats, and just in case something happens to ‘The Real McCoy,’ BarBe Q has got a stand-in, at the ready, inside the restaurant. ‘One woman called up and she was so incensed, I mean literally incensed, she said that she was going to drive up on the curb and run her over and kill the mannequin; she was going to kill BarBe Q!’ exclaimed Tessel. Tessel said that BarBe Q is the best employee he has ever had: she never gets sick, she never complains, and she always shows up,’… and clearly this is a story with legs! Tessel said that customers from as far away as Australia have come to see BarBe Q. ‘They saw a news article down there in Australia and they planned their trip, they wanted to take pictures with the mannequin, BarBe Q.’”
KT’s Barbecue permanently closed in December of 2012. www.usatoday.com reported that BarBe Q “stood by her man, as his (Kenny’s) muse, and his mute, headline-grabbing mascot. Over the years, BarBe Q has dressed for all occasions: She has been a flesh-flashing plastic patriot on the Fourth of July and a far-from-prim Pilgrim for Thanksgiving. Her scantily-clad, plastic enhanced figure, covered by tight-tight Daisy Duke shorts and a halter top, outraged passersby. When they complained to city hall, Tessel successfully argued that BarBe Q was not a person, ‘she’s not a sign, she is a shapely 5-foot-10-inch piece of anatomically correct plastic.’ Every time Tessel testified before the zoning board, BarBe Q went with him, and gathered coast-to-coast headlines. When Tessel decided to get out of the BBQ restaurant business, he
exclaimed, ‘Ken and BarBe are no more. We’re done.’ Kenny Tessel, the former actor and chef to the stars who had cooked BBQ for Bob Newhart, Don Rickles, Roseann Barr, and Geena Davis
had had an epiphany: He realized that he wanted to save animals instead of smoke and serve them…so he started taking courses to become a veterinary technician. Eight years to the day, from opening KT’s Barbecue, Kenny Tessel smoked his last brisket.”
Butt-Dialing BBQ Brigands
In December of 2016, 2 would-be-crooks in Danville, Kentucky had –ahem—“a brilliant idea,” reports www.bbqhub.net . “They would don ski masks, take a gun, and rob a local BBQ joint. The plan surely (!) would have gone off without a hitch except for one small slip up: while they were plotting the crime, one of the would-be-robbers accidentally butt-dialed 911 on his cellphone! The police dispatcher listened to in and was able to determine through triangulation that the 2 men were sitting in the parking lot outside of Brother’s BBQ and Brewing Company…where it just so happened that the Danville Police Chief, Tony Gray, had just finished eating dinner! Officers converged and arrested the pair of potential thieves without incident. Here’s the NOT-SO shocking part; both of the would-be burglars were ‘highly intoxicated,’ according to Chief Gray.”
According to www.911-operaror.org the incident began outside of a barbecue restaurant. “David Grigsby and Robert Bourne were sitting in a parked car outside of Brother’s BBQ concocting a plan to rob the restaurant when one of the two men accidentally butt-dialed 911. The 911 operator who received the call from one of the bandits listened in on the conversation and made a quick call to one of the patrons who she knew was inside at the time: Police Chief, Tony Gray. Upon receiving the call, Chief Gray and a few other law enforcement officials grouped up and searched the parking lot for the 2 men sitting outside. ‘When we stepped out back to talk, the dispatcher was able to pinpoint the phone—and the call was coming from somewhere in the parking lot at Brother’s. At that time, they located the 2 suspects sitting in the vehicle,’ Gray said. When the 2 were found, 1 of the men inside the car was still wearing the mask he was going to use to pull off the robbery. ‘They were pulled out of the vehicle and patted down, found a mask on one of the suspects. No weapons were found anywhere in the vehicle,’ Gray said. Once caught, Grigsby and Bourne, who were having beer in the restaurant prior, were charged with public intoxication. According to reports, prosecutors will be listening to the recording to determine if any other charges will be filed.”
Mark Twain often implied that fiction requires a “sense-making structure,” whereas true events, which are oftentimes chaotic or illogical—do not need to follow a logical, believable structure… “It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction: Fiction must be credible!” The aforementioned “Totally True Bizarre BBQ Tales,” are proof positive of this philosophy! Have YOU www.ribbqnews.com and www.wiswguysbbq.com Readers, Listeners, and BBQ Fans ever encountered such TRUE outrageous BBQ Tales? Please share your most riveting and intriguing BBQ Tales with us! As always, we LOVE to hear from you, and once more, HAPPY BBQ MONTH!
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